Happy Fun Baby and I went out to meet the grandparents on their last day in Portland. The plan was to meet Not So, have lunch and show off the new office space (which, currently, is more space than office). I was feeling pretty good; my once-over in the mirror before I left the house didn’t make me cringe, I had on my new teal Old Navy hooded longsleeve tee shirt (I hesitate to call it a hoodie, since the fabric is thin enough to see through) with a tank top underneath (in case it suddenly got hot, or something) and the necklace I got in Mexico. Short version: I looked cute. Kind of. And of course I had the baby, who is the best accessory of all.

We got off the bus with about 15 minutes to spare, so I thought I’d go over to Nordstrom and use the bathroom. The Nordstrom bathrooms are the nicest in town, and they have a nice little lounge which is perfect for nursing the baby. I took my time walking through the store; the kid was fast asleep in the stroller and I felt all cosmopolitan mom in my cute not-a-hoodie. Plus I hadn’t been window-shopping in a while. Did you know that Calvin Klein has some seriously adorable screened tee shirts that are cut long, so as to disguise the post-pregnancy belly? Because they do. Oh yes.

Eventually (okay, five minutes later…my browsing prowess is on the wane) I made it to the women’s lounge, where I caught sight of my reflection. Cute! Except for that drool spot on the front of my hoodie. Ah, the perils of having a baby…

…wait a minute. The baby’s been sleeping in the stroller. Any drool would have dried by now.

With a creeping sense of horror, I realized that my left breast was leaking. Like a faucet. And I’d been walking around with a big, target-like wet spot right smack over my left nipple.

So much for cosmopolitan mom, right?

I won’t traumatize you with the details of how I shoved paper towels in my bra and then splashed water all over the front of my shirt to make it appear that I was not overly lactation-tastic, only very, very clumsy. Oh wait! I just did. I don’t know if it fooled anyone, but it made me feel better. Good thing, since I then had to go meet the in-laws, who (of course!) were early, just in case I’d entertained notions of running over to Rite Aid in search of breast pads. Or buying a new shirt. Which did occur to me.

Oh well, right? Lunch was lovely, the child was cooed over, and no one mentioned the fact that I’d apparently spilled water all over myself. Good times.

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