All of that is true. Other things that are true? I am a) not twenty-five anymore and b) somewhat lacking in the copious and under-appreciated free time that allowed me to spend a lackadaisical afternoon trimming my hair in front of a mirror. Because when I was twenty-five, the choppy haircut was cute and a little bit punk rock. Now? Well, there’s a reason hair salons make so much money, and being able to entrust the attractiveness of your head to a qualified professional is a big part of that.

Anyway, I was (re)watching Season 4 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and decided that Willow’s cute college hair would totally be cute on my head. Of course, I am conveniently ignoring the fact that Alyson Hannigan (that’s her on the left) has straight, agreeable hair, while mine has just enough wave to cowlick all over the damn place. I hate my cowlicks. I really do. There is nothing cute about hair that insists on growing in the wrong direction.

But I could rock that look, right? Let’s assume for the moment that I don’t intend to dye my hair red (which…hey, never say never, right?). Would the flippy layered thing work, or would I just look like I was growing out some cuter, shorter style?

My big worry is that I will swerve right past cute and look something like this:

(That’s me at age 11, in case you were wondering. And oh my god, I loved that sweater.)

The point could end up being moot, since I am somewhat disinclined to leave the house these days and salons tend to prefer it if you actually, you know, show up. Plus everyone – everyone – likes my hair long. The kid is absolutely obsessed with it; he grabs on to it at night like a security blanket. Which, uh, is kind of one of the reasons I want to cut it, actually. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be woken out of a sound sleep by someone yanking on your hair? I will tell you: very annoying.

Yeah, we’ll see. I might just shave it all off and be that aging woman with a buzz cut. Sort of like a chubbier Susan Powter. Yeah, that would be a good look for me.