cranky pixels

Even though you can't see it, that finger? HURTS.

So I messed up my finger a couple of weeks ago. The left index one. I guess I cracked it sideways while I was lifting something? Sounds like a thing I would do, and in fact was a thing I did. Also: ow.

My point being, it still hurts, internet. Still. And I can’t crack it without blinding pain, which is just ridiculous, seeing as I am addicted to knuckle-cracking. Also, did I mention it HURTS? It hurts when I type. It hurts when I hold hands with my kid. It hurts when I point. IT HURTS WHEN I FLIP PEOPLE OFF. (Also, my middle finger – which isn’t even the one I hurt – doesn’t stand straight anymore. It sort of…wilts.)

I am not flipping anyone off in this picture, but you can still see my poor wilting middle finger.

Is this what getting old is like? BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL.

Yeah, so that whole ‘ulcer’ thing? Not so much. Gastro Doc and his Snaking Cameras of Doom went in and found…nothing. A perfect set of innards, with nary a blemish. A week later the blood work came back with the all-clear as well.

So, um…good?

I mean, good, obviously, but you know what would be better? If I didn’t still hurt so goddamn much. Seriously, figure out a) why I’m in so much pain every couple of weeks and b) how to make that not happen anymore, and I will be in a really fucking good mood. I promise.

(Actually I’m in a pretty good mood currently…but still.)

Probably the most difficult part of this whole ulcer thing – aside from the OW, of course – is the fact that I can’t have sugar.

Well, I CAN have sugar, technically – the doctor didn’t say anything about avoiding it except in a sort of roundabout way – but sugar gives me headaches, and I can’t take Advil anymore, so no headaches = good, yeah? (I can’t tell if treats make the ulcer worse, since currently anything I eat kind of makes it hurt.)

But as you all may be aware, I am a sugar addict. I just had to cancel my plans to join a group of friends tonight because we were all meeting for dessert at this fabulous dessert restaurant; I took one look at the menu and went I can’t be around this stuff without having something. Which…is good, right? Progress? Kind of like a newly-enwagoned alcoholic bowing out of an evening at the bar?

I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that the gastro doc (with whom I still need to make an appointment, gack) will give me antibiotics and then this whole thing will be done. And I can celebrate with dessert.

So hey, I have an ulcer. Fun times!

Actually (and I know you will be surprised by this, so brace yourself): it kind of sucks. I’ve been nauseous for almost two weeks, and it’s WAY worse after I eat so I sort of stopped eating (well, one meal a day – at the very END of the day), and I’ve been CRAZY tired. Which…totally doesn’t sound like an ulcer, right? I was figuring either pregnancy or celiac disease, but apparently the ER doc had a different idea, especially since I went in with sharp, severe pain in my stomach. Which was new! And even less fun.

So, duodenal ulcer. Brought on my NSAIDs. Which means no more Advil. I…may need a moment.

You know what I’ve been doing lately? Listening to music. I know, right?

Apparently, left to my own devices and devoid of outside influences, the stuff I choose to listen to is…pretty goddamn emo. Not that I’m downloading emo crap from iTunes or anything, it’s just that apparently the songs I like are all full of hopelessness and despair. And occasionally elephants.

(more…)

SO I KNOW you have been ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT to hear how I resolved the Sidebar Issue, and I am here to report: the Tumblr idea has paid off. I now have a streaming sidebar again, yay! Plus this time it doesn’t just disappear into the ether after it leaves my site, which: bonus.

I haven’t gotten the little icons back up (and I don’t even know if I’m going to bother with them, except that I love my lovely icons and will miss them if they are not there) and I may still re-code the site because I’m like that. But at least my sidebar isn’t sad anymore.

Well, that didn’t take long.

Here’s what I told Twitter:

Apparently my problem isn’t depression, it’s the fact that every 6mos or so I have a good day. The day after that? SUCKS.

Which pretty much sums it up, so I’ll just move on to the related subject of my sidebar, and how it doesn’t so much have anything in it anymore. Like my head. But unlike my head, the problem lies entirely at the feet of Yahoo! Pipes. You know, a service wherein I painstakingly set up a series of feeds and did magical linking things to make them output a certain way, and then even more painstakingly hacked my way through several PHP tutorials in order to display that output on my site? Yes, those pipes. The ones that are now outputting nothing.

I know, I know, it’s my fault for relying on a third-party service. And clearly I’ve learned my lesson and have not spent the entire night trying to bend Tumblr to my will in order to maybe use it to display my feeds in my sidebar (which…just in case anyone is deeply curious, does not work).

SO NOW I am going to need to re-code my entire fecking theme since I no longer have a lovely and clever lifestream-y sidebar. I WILL GET RIGHT ON THAT.