cranky pixels

even pixels give me attitude

keeping up(chuck) with the Joneses

Few things are more unpleasant to throw up than a combination of mostly-digested hamburger and just-eaten cupcake. I speak as a (semi) expert, seeing as I had ample opportunity to compare the relative merits of regurgitated foods during my excruciating stint of morning sickness when I was gestating Happy Fun Baby. (The winner? Cheerios. They taste pretty much the same coming up as they do going down.)

I definitely would have eschewed the hamburger in favor of Cheerios had I known that my dessert was made of poison. We stopped at Cupcake Jones last night, since I have a love thing for cupcake bakeries. This place just opened up in the Pearl, and it is ever-so-slightly more conveniently located than Saint Cupcake, which makes absolutely divine cupcakes.

Cupcake Jones seemed like a great choice – open late, cute logo, etc. We popped in around 8pm and each ordered a Downtown Cupcake Brown and The Pearl, opting for a Pearl Mini for the baby. They only had one Pearl frosted, so they frosted the other one while we waited. (This might prove to be an important detail.) We brought our haul home (+/- 5 minutes; gotta love living downtown). Not So and I both decided to eat the Pearl first, and the first thing we noticed was that there was WAY too much frosting. The frosting-to-cupcake ratio was almost equal. Also, the frosting was squishy and warm – on both cupcakes (including the one that was more recently frosted). Still, it tasted good, and we ate our cupcakes (which were just okay, not toe-curlingly fantastic like the ones from Saint Cupcake). As we ate we decided not to give the Mini to the baby, since there was so much frosting on it. Instead I gave Happy Fun Baby a couple of bites of mine – bites that had no frosting but did include cake and custard.

Immediately after finishing our treat, Not So and I felt really unwell. We thought it was the sugar giving us a headache and making us feel queasy. An hour later I came in and said “My god, I feel sick.” Not So: “I do too! I wasn’t going to say anything, but I feel seriously bad.” The baby (who, yes, was still awake…bedtimes have not been working for us, again) seemed fine. An hour after that I was experiencing the joys of regurgitated hamburger and cupcake, and we both decided that the frosting must have turned because my god, we were sick.

I’m all about supporting local businesses (especially bakeries!) but food poisoning on our first visit? Not really a good motivator to come back. And, seriously, if you’re a bakery and you can’t figure out the proper temperature for buttercream that doesn’t poison your customers? You should really consider a new outlet for your creativity.

Today Not So has a migraine, and he never gets migraines. Related? Unrelated? Who knows. All I know is I won’t be visiting Cupcake Jones again.

Tags: , portland, cupcake bakery, food poisoning