cranky pixels

(Or, How I Got To Blog While My Kid Watched A DVD)

Today I need to disconnect and return the DVR (only, what, three weeks after we got rid of the cable? Go me), clean the house (since I appear to have volunteered to possibly host a get-together this weekend, maybe), do some homework, crochet, pick up my holds at the library, sign for the package containing the new potty seat (whee!), send back the Netflix, buy some yarn, put away my crafting supplies, e-mail a client, update our business website, drop off a check at the bank, and make some lunch. Note that several of these things involve me being in two places at once. Good thing I discovered time travel!

Naturally I am going to take this time to recap my awesome Crafty Mamas Bazaar experience and wax lyrical about my upcoming Cranky Pals newsletter, whichisreallycoolandyoushouldsignup.

So in case the “awesome” wasn’t hint enough, the Crafty Mamas Bazaar? Awesome. I had a great time, sold some toys, chatted with some moms…bought an Ergo…all in all, a very fruitful experience and one I will most likely repeat next month (sans Ergo purchase, of course).

The folks at Milagros are wonderful, and it’s so great of them to host this thing and make everyone feel so welcome. Plus they have one of the coolest local baby shops this side of LilyToad. Speaking of, that’s another thing I should add to my list: drop off unsold toys at LilyToad.

All the new designs are up at the Cranky Pals website, by the way, including Happy Fun Baby’s new favorite, Lulu Heartbreak. She has a detachable heart! Detachable! This causes me joy.

Another thing that causes me joy? The brand spankin‘ new Cranky Pals newsletter! I spent the better part of Sunday designing it (what? I was on a roll) and I’m so pleased with it I could just burst. And it’s messy, the bursting, so why not sign up and see for yourself? Every name on the subscription list makes me feel that much more validated, and isn’t that what the internet is all about?

technorati tags:cranky pals, crafty mamas bazaar, milagros, lilytoad, lulu heartbreak, ergo

You’re all chomping at the bit for a sleep update, aren’t you? I know. It’s keeping you up at night (ha!). Well, you’re just going to have to wait a little longer, because sleep training got derailed by the introduction of molars into my child’s previously molar-free mouth area. Can I take this opportunity to say how much I loathe molars? The molar, it is pure calcified evil. How much does he need stupid molars, anyway? There’s plenty of food out there that does not require intensive chewing. Take the humble banana, for instance. The banana demands nothing of the teeth. We love the banana.

But the molars seem determined to make their appearance all at once, and the emergence of three new teeth has reduced my usually cheerful and accomodating baby to a series of shrieking, back-arching tantrums and marathon nursing sessions which leave me feeling utterly sucked dry, which, if you are wondering, is not a particulalry pleasant way to feel, especially at almost fifteen months post-partum when the idea of weaning had, up to a few weeks ago, seemed like such an attainable goal.

Sleeping through the night also seemed attainable, but like so many other things, it’s being put on hold until the tooth situation is under control. Currently the monkey is waking up between four and six times a night, and the only thing that will get him to go back to sleep is nursing. If I don’t nurse, the crying quickly – very quickly – escalates to screaming, and at that point he’s too upset to nurse so one of us has to get up with him, walk him around, calm him down…and then I have to nurse him. So I prefer to cut out the middle-man, as it were, and just go straight to the boob. I will worry about bad night-nursing habits later.

As proof, I just got Sleep Solutions for your Baby, Toddler and Preschooler from Amazon.com, and as soon as I can wake up enough to actually read it I will enthusiastically implement any and all sleep ideas.

technorati tags:sleep solutions, baby, molars, nursing

So it’s official: I’ll be doing the Crafty Mamas Bazaar this Saturday at Milagros Boutique! I’ve been crazy busy getting everything ready, but it looks like I’m going to have enough toys to fill the whole table. Yay!

I was going to post pictures of some of the new Crankies, but I’m tired and I don’t have the energy to clear off the table and whatnot. Whatnot would also entail properly working the camera, and my eyes are all tweaked out from staring at tinytiny stitches for the past several hours. So you will just have to trust that the new toys kick all sorts of ass, and that I will post pictures later, when it is not a quarter after 1 in the morning. Yes.

And if you’re in the area, stop by Milagros on Saturday and say hi.

technorati tags:milagros, crafty mamas bazaar, portland, crafts, cranky pals

My first article for Digital Web Magazine was published today. I sound clever, yes? It’s a trick. But, dude, it is SO NICE to be writing again! As a side note, did you know that writing an article is roughly 50000 times harder with a toddler? I know, crazy talk. But it’s true.

technorati tags:digital web magazine, article, does your copy hold up to a quick glance

Holy Nap Strike, Batman. The kid, he is so obviously tired, yet does he sleep? He does not. Currently he is ensconced in a blanket nest on the couch, blearily watching Little Einsteins on DVD. (While we were at Target this weekend we wisely decided that some kid DVDs were in order, so the Little Einsteins were procured, as well as All-Star ABCs, which features Stephen Colbert as the letter Z. And is really freaking funny. Which strikes me as somehow very wrong.)

The kid has a stuffy nose, which might explain the reluctance to nap. It seems like every time we go anywhere he catches some sort of bug, because, hello, kids? Wee little disease factories. Just today my child came up to me and enthusiastically wiped his nose all over the shoulder of my shirt. And I didn’t even blink. Just “Aaaw, is your nose runny?” I can think of few times in my life that I wouldn’t object to being someone’s Kleenex, but like they say, it’s different when you have kids. Different, and more gross.

I think I’m doing the Crafty Mamas Bazaar at Milagros this Saturday, so I’m spending this week frantically creating toys. My newest idea involves a shirt with a button on the front, onto which one (or one’s child) can attach a number of interchangable felt creatures. As an aside: who knew that buttons were so controversial? Half the moms I told about this project reacted with chagrin that I would even consider using a button in conjunction with children’s clothes. Choking! Hazard! Am I insane? I am not insane. I am even working on a version which uses a felt button (thanks so much for the idea, K!) for younger kids. But I still think that regular buttons are really not that bad.

I think the kid has finally succombed to the lure of sleep, so I’m going to wander off in the direction of my craft table. Which, uh, is actually the kitchen table, covered in so much other stuff we couldn’t possibly use it for food. Yay, multitasking!

technorati tags:crafts, nap, baby, dvd

We’ve been sans cable for three days now. Three whole days of television silence, broken only by the occasional DVD of Aladdin or Chicken Little, and can I just say I would not be sad if I never had to watch either of those movies again, ever? I may leave them down where the baby can get them by “accident” just so the option’s closed. Guh.

I think I miss the cable more than the baby does. He seems mildly put out that I haven’t offered to put on Jack’s Big Music Show lately, but other than that he doesn’t seem to even notice that there’s nothing on the TV screen. Mama, on the other hand? Feels like a crack addict. I haven’t had my Scrubs fix in days, and yes, I am aware that Zach Braff does the voice of Chicken Little, and no, that does not make it better. (Though I did keep expecting Chicken Little to yell “Banana hammock!” at several points during the movie.)

The lack of television coupled with the sleep training thing is all blessing and curse, and I will tell you why. First, it is good, because much of the reason the baby was staying up so late was because it was so easy for mama to hang out with him while she watched Adult Swim and crocheted. Now there is nothing to distract the baby from sleeping or the mama from letting him. Then, it is bad, because there is nothing to distract the mama from the myriad worries flitting in and out of her head like a swarm of moths. Related note: I have a moth phobia. Also spiders, but that’s neither here nor there. Again, the not having TV thing is good because I am not parking said kidlet in front of it during the day while I work or do school. Likewise, it is a nightmare because I get NOTHING done, oh my god, the nothing I get done is STAGGERING in its nothingness, especially on days like today when I have a deadline and an article I have to write and a child who is just bored and does not want to play quietly while mama compiles data.

But, yes. It evens out. << I typed that, and then the baby began to wail. He’d been asleep for all of 30 minutes, and I have spent the last hour upstairs with him while he alternately screamed inconsolably and clung to me like a barnacle while refusing to fall back asleep. I sang. I told stories. I rocked. I nursed. But the baby is so freaked out by the idea of sleeping alone that he will literally startle himself awake every time he drifts off, just so I won’t leave. It’s heartbreakingly sweet and desperately frustrating all at the same time.

I know what you’re saying. You’re saying what a horrible mother, and then you’re holding that thought because baby, awake. Again.

Okay. Where was I? Oh yes: What a horrible mother. Why make the poor child sleep alone? Why not just go to bed when he does? And I have no good reason, except that I don’t want to go to bed at 9pm every night, and also? I like being able to finish a thought every once in a while. I like being able to get stuff done. I like not having to divide my attention. Because did I mention the nothing I got done earlier?

The other half of you are probably saying Well why isn’t your husband helping? and the answer to that is that he is, just not tonight. We’ve been tag-teaming the bedtime routine, which is great (if somewhat less of a break for me than originally planned) but tonight I’m solo and he’s out gaming. The theory, I guess, is that Happy Fun Baby will not notice the lack of Dada as long as the schedule’s the same. Which is a lovely theory.

I have other theories. Many of them involve Tahiti, and the running away thereto. I hear it’s nice this time of year. Also? I bet they have cable.

technorati tags:sleep training, cosleeping, sleep, cable, television, Tahiti

Happy Valentine’s Day, blogosphere! In case you didn’t know, Valentine’s Day isn’t just a genetically engineered plot device meant to boost flower sales during the slow months of winter. Valentine roots can be traced back as far as the Roman Lupercalia festival, in which young men dressed in loincloths spanked women with strips of goat hide. Of course, then the Christians came along and did away with all the spanking, and that’s how St. Valentine got his name on all the cards. Or something.

Anyway, we’re celebrating by not going out and not having a romantic dinner. We may also not give each other cards or flowers or anything that sparkles. Chez Cranky: the place to go to get your Valentine on.

It’s been an eventful few days since I last updated, and instead of trying to make it all flow together in Zen-like homogeneity, I will once again resort to list-making. You will read the list and rejoice, and all will be right with the world.

And if you don’t like it, I will spank you with a strip of goat hide. You know, for Valentine’s Day.

• Last Thursday was my blogiversery (blog-a-versary?). Want to know how I know? Because my domain name expired! If you noticed that the site was down for much of the weekend (and I know you did), that’s why. Happy Blogiversary to me.
• Saturday night Not So and I left Happy Fun Baby with an actual babysitter and went on an actual date. Woo hoo! We saw Glen Phillips at the Aladdin. Glen (I am so totally on first-name basis with him) was exquisite as always, though not barefoot. This could be because it is the middle of winter. His opening act was a woman named Vienna Teng, who I now love and adore. Brilliant pianist and singer. Glen made noises about touring with her and…someone else, whose name I don’t remember but yay, great…during the summer, and I am so, so there. Assuming we can get a sitter.
• Taxes: done. Waiting for refund, which promises to be rather substantial. Will use to buy practical things like a new laptop for Not So and an Apple TV (see next item for the why).
• Cable: gone! We got sick of plying Comcast with ridiculous amounts of money for ridiculously sub-par service and had them cancel our cable television yesterday. Unfortunately we’ve got to keep them for internet, since they’re the only option for high-speed in our neighborhood (and what is up with that? We’re in North Portland, not the North Pole) but at least we won’t be paying them as much. Also, Happy Fun Baby watches too much TV, and I know I won’t just leave the damn thing off if I have the option. Hooray, good parenting! But so we will be watching a lot of Netflix and downloading a lot of stuff from iTunes. Hence the Apple TV. You see. Because at least that way there won’t be commercials.
• Speaking of Happy Fun Baby, he has discovered that he can scoot various furniture items around the room to facilitate dangerous climbing experiments. Yesterday I happened to look up to see that he had pushed the little ottoman up to the baby gate and had climbed up and slung one leg over the gate in preparation for – what? What, exactly? You’ve got to think these things through, kid. Happily I grabbed him before he went tumbling over and splatted on the hardwood.
• I’m cutting way, way down on sweets in an effort to slow my slide into Screeching Harpy-dom (and hopefully lull my anxiety disorder into remission). This means I’m cooking a lot more, since I can pretty easily make lower-sugar versions of delicious things and trick myself into feeling like I’m not dieting. It’s been one day. So far I have not noticed much of a difference. I know you are surprised.

Now I must go do those productive things that good housewives do while their husbands are at work. None of those things involve goat hide, but wouldn’t the world be a more entertaining place if they did? (By the way: I’m totally just going to go read my rss feeds. But you can pretend I’m scrubbing the baseboards if it would make you feel better.)

technorati tags:comcast, glen phillips, vienna teng, sugar, Valentines Day, Lupercalia